Know yourself...

Know yourself. Seems like really simple advice, especially when you're looking to make a life change. The problem is that we tend to get so caught up in trying to change who we are that we forget to take a look at who we are. This seems to hold true with every area of a lifestyle change, but most especially when it comes to diet. Diets, at least in the traditional sense, don't work. Sure, you can see short and even long term results from any number of "diets", but until you make a full on lifestyle change none of them are going to have any lasting effect. You can lose 50 pounds on a low/no carb diet, but as soon as you re-introduce carbs in to your life you are going to see every bit of that weight come back to you. If you can live the rest of your life that way then that's great, but I've got an inner fat kid that's always going to be there and if that little fucker doesn't get some cake every so often things get very unpleasant. Knowing and accepting these kinds of facts, as well as others relating to your day to day life, can mean the difference between lasting success or just another hurtful failure.

For those of you joining us for the first time, a quick recap. I'm a father of three, I have a pretty demanding full time job, and I go to school full time, add to that the fact that we have twins that will be making an appearance in a few months and we, as a family, stay pretty well busy all the damn time. When I find myself sitting around with what some people call "spare time" I always wonder what it is that I am am forgetting to do/neglecting. Basically, I'm really freaking busy all the time. As much as I would like to cut any kind of fast/pre-prepared foods out of my diet the sad truth is that I would likely be starving all the time. I pack a decent lunch and snacks before I leave for the gym in the morning. On nights I have school I even try to remember to pack dinner, but shit inevitably happens. I have to work late, forget to pack dinner, leave my whole pre-packed meal on the top of my car, realize that the apple I packed that morning that looked great in the four a.m. darkness has actually morphed in to some kind of sentient and angry hate fruit, etc. It's easy, in these situations, to just assume that there are not healthy and quick alternatives and run for the nearest mecca of saturated fat and shame. The worst part is, it's going to taste good. You're going to feel like eight pounds of shit fighting to cram it's way in to an extra small rubber, but dear god that sack full of grease laden shameburger was so....damn....good. So maybe next time you forget that lunch on purpose. Hell, maybe it's even a legitimate accident again, either way you're right back to the behaviors that got you all soggy around the middle in the first place. Kind of makes you feel bad for being busy all the time, doesn't it?

I'm sure we'd all like to have more free time to take care of our health in the best possible way, or to play golf and swill cheap scotch...I'm not here to judge. Being busy, however, is not an excuse to let things get out of control. Part of the problem seems to be rooted in campaigns to make us more aware of good eating habits. We've lumped all fast food in as the enemy, so the assumption becomes that it doesn't matter what you get, if it's fast food it's crap so you might as well just get whatever the hell you want. That's not at all accurate. Taco Bell has a "fresco" menu that is fairly reasonable health wise, 7-11 carries a really tasty Turkey Combo on brown bread that's under 300 calories, Wawa has several pre-packaged sandwiches that are under 300 calories (they even include a side of apple slices), Hardee's (aka, Carl's Jr.) has a turkey burger that is under 500 calories, and the list goes on and on. As a matter of fact, if you resist the urge to make it a combo at any of these places you save yourself about 500 calories just by ditching the fries. All of these places offer healthy alternatives, you just have to accept that they are there and make an effort to order them instead of typical fast food gut grenades. It's interesting to note that in a lot of cases these healthier alternatives actually taste better than the garbage that you used to shovel down your pie hole as well, and eventually you will come to prefer a chicken salad on whole wheat over a bacon cheese-burger dripping with barbeque sauce. Okay...so not every time. Sometimes you've just got to be bad, but you'll actually find yourself wanting the healthier alternative more often. You've just got to retrain yourself.

It's not easy to stay healthy when you have to grab a lot of meals on the go. Ideally we would be able to eat ever meal at home made from fresh ingredients and shared with our families. Unfortunately, that ideal is not possible for most people living in modern society. Being busy has become a way of life for most of us, but it's no excuse to toss your health down the crapper. Just know yourself and adjust accordingly.

Discouragement...

This morning was rough from the start. I didn’t want to get out of bed so I hit the snooze one extra time. Since then I’ve just kind of been dragging. Got to the gym and got started 20 minutes late. I didn’t so much attack things this morning as just went through the motions with my weight training. The cardio work out was outright tough and even the episode of Married with Children I watched on the little TV attached to the elliptical machine was lackluster. With all said and done it was just a blah workout, and that feeling has followed me throughout my morning so far. The weather is a perfect complement to the glum feeling too. Grey clouds are hanging low in the sky, bringing with them wind and occasional, completely random, smatterings of rain. It’s enough to make you put on some Morrissey and look for the nearest razor blade to remind yourself that you can still feel. That’s right, I said Morrissey, and you little EMO kids can take your My Chemical Romance and your Fallout Boy and piss right off. Okay, feeling a little better now.

The feelings themselves aren’t really the issue. Everyone has off days, and the weather outside can have all kinds of ill effects on a person’s mood. The problem is the discouragement that comes along with it. Personally, I’m at a very tenuous point in my life change here. I’ve started to see some results and not just a few tenths of a pound difference on the scale. My clothes fit better, I can see muscle definitions in places that I thought muscles feared now to tread, I feel much better in general, and my energy level is much higher. I’m still pretty far from my goal. To be fair, I had quite a long way to go, but I can’t tell myself not to get discouraged because I just got started. I also can’t fight it off by convincing myself that the end is in sight. I think that makes this a really hard time for a lot of people, you’re kind of at this middle ground where it’s just as easy to give up or cut back (the first step to giving up, truth be told) as it is to move forward. Days like today make that even harder. With everything being so blah, and the specter of a major gluttonous holiday looming just a day away what’s the point? Cutting back to just going to the gym three days this week isn’t going to hurt, right?

Wrong.

Admittedly you won’t see some huge negative impact the first week you decide to slack. Hell, you may not see any negative difference at all. As a result, hitting it so hard next week doesn’t seem like a big deal either. The week after that? Well, Christmas is only a few weeks away so I’ll get back on it after that. Maybe after New Years. All this sound familiar? If you’re actually reading this, then you’ve probably played out this little glutton’s drama more than once, undoing any progress you’ve made and making all your hard work a complete waste. You also know that with each week you put things off getting back on track is going to get harder and harder. So you’re going to have to be doing this every day for your entire life then, right?

0 for 2.

It’s not going to be like this forever, just until you reach your goal. Right now you’re trying to undo what are likely years (at least) of bad habits and poor decisions in regard to your health. Once you get where you want to be then all you have to do it maintain. Unfortunately there is no maintenance plan that includes watching Netflix and eating Cheetos for three hours a night, however maintaining weight and health is a lot easier than getting there to begin with. This part is hard, that is a no shit honest assessment. It’s a frustrating road and there are going to be loads of times where you just want to pack it all in and drown your sorrows in a pint of ice cream and deep fried don’t give a fuck, but even that serves a purpose. You are retraining yourself to make good health an ingrained part of your lifestyle. You also get the satisfaction of knowing that even though the weather was shit, you were tired, and the ghosts of turkey day delights to come are pole dancing around in your head like some kind of culinary porn you still dragged yourself though it and got yourself one step closer to where you want to be. You can’t be on it 100 percent every day, no one can, but you still made the effort and did what you had to do. You kind of kick ass like that.

Unless you didn't, in which case you can go join the EMO kids crying it out over there in teh corner.

Partial Success?

It's been a rough year, for a couple very personal reasons. Let's gloss over all the massive failure, though, and focus on the positive.

Back in early July, I got food poisoning. Seriously, that's about as positive as things get this year. Because, you see, that was the catalyst that got me started on some actual weight loss. I spent about 2 days puking my guts out, which naturally caused me to lose a little weight. Normally, one would gain it all right back. It also managed to shrink my stomach a little, so I got full faster. I made a conscious decision to stick with with small meals, in hopes that I could at least keep my sick weight off.

Also, around the same time, my work schedule changed to nights. I was working from 2pm to midnight, 4 nights a week. There's a lot more slack in the night schedule, so I was able to carve out some time to work out. Since my martial arts training had been getting stagnant, I decided to work out on the heavy bag in the dance studio downstairs. Starting with 5 two minute rounds and 1 minute of rest between rounds, I managed to work my way up to 6 two minute rounds, then to 5 three minute rounds. I was starting to feel strong and fast again, like the old days. Then, suddenly, the heavy bag disappeared. I guess it was getting in the way of people actually dancing in the dance studio.

Disheartened, I started using the elliptical machines in the gym at work. I stuck with the 5 x three minute format, walking slowly for the rest period and running as fast as I could for the work period. The elliptical machine just didn't have the same entertainment value as beating the stuffing out of the heavy bag, though, so I eventually got bored with it.

This was about the time I decided to try the Slow Carb diet from "The 4 Hour Body". I also decided to pick up kettlebell lifting, since it's something I'd long been interested in. The diet seems to be more or less working. When I can stick to it, I lose some weight. Even when I go off the rails a bit, I don't gain any weight, and I'm eating quite a bit more than I did over the summer when I lost ~10kg. At this point, I'm about 13kg down from my July 4th weight. I probably still have another 20kg left to go, but the kettlebell work has also been packing on some muscle.

I've only been doing the two handed kettlebell swing, as recommended in 4HB. It's quick, and the form is not terribly difficult to learn by yourself. Especially if you've ever deadlifted. As I have not done a deadlift since my senior year of high school (has it really been over 15 years?), I took the first few days slowly. Since I didn't want to shell out big money for a real kettlebell when I wasn't even sure I'd stick with it, I made a ghettobell out of some weight plates and some parts from Home Depot. The first two weeks, I made slow progress, concentrating on my form. I had a difficult time hitting 50 reps, even in two or three sets. Then, suddenly, gains starting happening faster and faster. On my last workout, I hit 80 reps in the first set, then another 25 in the second set. My current goal is to be able to do 100 reps in one set. Once I get there, I'm going to add another 10lb plate to the bell and work my way back up. I also just rewarded myself with a real kettlebell, this one 40lbs, so I can do some one handed exercises.

All the kettlebell lifting is doing wonders for me. My thighs, calves, and forearms are noticeably more defined than they were before I started lifting. It's also helped straighten out my posture. Like most computer geeks, I tend to hunch over a lot. Now my shoulders naturally pull back a bit more, straightening out my spine when I sit and walk.

So, that's what I've been up to. Not anywhere near the big plans I had at the beginning of the year. I don't see me getting to the 60 or 70% mark on my goals this time around. But, and this is the important bit, I have made some progress. I feel a lot better physically, and that's having a positive impact on my mental health too. Maybe I'll feel good enough by New Year's to put up new goals, or even re-tackle the goals for this year that went nowhere.

Reflections...

I used to read this Men’s magazine. Not the nudey kind, but one of the one centered around health and fitness. I had a subscription, frequented their website, and read their advice about how I should work out, what I should eat, and how I should bang my wife. It all sounded great, and the payoffs seemed amazing. Shit, just looking at the magazine editor himself was enough to make you feel like you were being handed the recipie from ambrosia from the hands of one of the gods made flesh. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but the guy is in shape. Why wouldn’t he, and his team of crack writers, be an excellent source when it comes to how to whip my fat ass back in to shape? I was jazzed. I was psyched. I was going to DO this. I was going to start right NO-…wait…no....that’s not going to work. I’ve got to get a gym membership first. That’s going to have to wait until payday, BUT RIGHT AFT-. No..wait. The diet in here is pretty specialized, that’s going to take a trip to the grocery store. Not Food Dog either, I’m going to have to go that really expensive one that the stuck up parents from my daughter’s middle school talk about. That’s probably going to have to wait until the NEXT payday since I’ve got to get that gym membership. But right after THA-. Oh, I should probably work with a personal trainer when I start to make sure I don’t hurt myself working with the weights. Ummm…I guess I could shuffle some money around, but where the hell am I even going to find the time for this. I’ve got work, school, three kids, a wife, and a dog that all need my attention and what’s left of my paycheck. Well. Fuck.

Surprise! The guys who write these articles and edit these magazines get paid money to do this stuff for a living, and far more than I do. So they have more money and they don’t need to pry the time out of the cold, dead fingers of a load of other obligations. They talk about the time and money that it takes to accomplish these things like they are nothing, when in reality they are they are the most precious of commodities to most people. Not only do they get paid to do this shit so they can write about it, but they have people falling all over themselves to give them free stuff in hopes that they will plug them in some article. Gym memberships, supplements, gym clothes, specialized equipment, etc. Being fit and telling you how they got there is literally their JOB. It’s super easy to tell people how to get as fit as you are when all that crap is just handed to you. If you’ve got the money and the time to follow along with these guys, then I really hope you have something better to do than listen to me bitch; if you’re like me me, however, and have a job, family, and a real life to worry about then you just can’t live life like these guys.

Then there’s the other end of the spectrum. Six minute this, and lounge that, and electrocute-the fuck-out-of-yourself quick solutions that will give you big results with a minimum amount of time and effort. Tons of now hot women can’t wait to tell you how big a difference it’s made and how much it turns them on that you want to try it too. Buff guys standing next to horrific “before” pictures flexing and showing you the kind of man you want to be. All of these people standing there without a flaw, stretch mark, or fat flap even though they’ve lost over eighty pounds. So not only will you lose a ton of weight with these diets/pills/programs/torture devices/masturbatory aids, but they are old magic that can completely violate the laws of physical science. Fuck yea! I’m sure those people aren’t paid, right? They just believe in the product so much that they’ve just got to get up there wearing next to nothing and give you physical proof of this mind-blowing awesomeness, right? Right? You were so busy with your head full of thoughts about where you’re going to buy all your new clothes and how you’re going to fight off all the ladies that you missed the part where they said “combined with diet and exercise” or “has been known to cause cramping, tarry stools, and erectile dysfunction or asshole cancer or something” or my favorite, “results not typical”. What. The. Hell. You mean I can’t really get kick ass results without devoting some time, effort, or money in to what I’m doing? You suck. I don’t like your answers.

Truth is, you’re going to have to part with something. Anything worth having is going to require some level of sacrifice on your part, but you shouldn’t have to quit your job and sell a kidney (but if you want to, I know a guy) just to make it happen either. The only time I have that I’m not nuts in a vice busy lately is when I’m sleeping, so when I finally made a decision to do something real about my ever-expanding ass that’s where I stole the time from. 4 am is a bitch of a time to have to get up every morning, but looking in my closet and seeing that I can’t wear over half of the clothes I own any more is worse. So were the test results from the doctor saying that I am on a collision course with diabetes. Time isn’t the only thing that you’re going to have to sacrifice. Eating healthy can be more expensive than eating crap all the time, and if you’re like me trying to exercise at home just isn’t going to work for you. You don’t need a membership to some mega-gym and a personal trainer. We have a membership to an organization that offers a lot for the whole family to do, as well as an initial consultation to give you some guidance with your workout plan, and you’re going to need guidance. I thought I was pretty well versed in health and nutrition from all the reading I had done and one good health kick a few years ago that lost me about 30 pounds so I didn’t bother with the whole free fitness orientation thing. The first three weeks went by and I had lost exactly dick.5 pounds. I got a little frustrated and went to the orientation. Two weeks later I’m down five pounds and feeling better than I have in ages. If you think you know what you’re doing, you probably don’t. That’s fine, not a lot of people do, just get some help.

It’s not easy, but seeing the progress makes it easier. Food is a whole different topic all together, and while I’m sure that each and every one of you is completely enraptured by what I have to say I’m going to have to save that one for another day.